I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
