Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you win again, gameday.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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