Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think I am morally bankrupt
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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