HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize