do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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