we have pet lesbian snakes
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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