it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
