guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
