What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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