Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
