We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
