the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
