no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
