Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
