When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize