i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize