I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
