I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
