I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
