he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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