my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
