i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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