Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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