the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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