He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
