hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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