I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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