apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
