Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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