now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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