Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
