News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
