At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
