His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
