Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
