I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
