my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize