Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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