I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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