I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
