2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
