my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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