Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
