No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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