Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
