WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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