By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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