Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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