I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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