Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
