I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
