The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
