It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
