Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
