I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
