And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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