3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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