Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
