I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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