I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
