i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
