i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
