I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
