He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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