Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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