Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
