If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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