I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
