We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
