Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize