I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i dont even know how to be here
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
