Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I need moral support for this bender
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I love you. Go after that dick
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