You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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