I'm so fucking centered right now
I puked a lego.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My bed smells like the plague
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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