I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Acid is not a monday night drug
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize